Even The Sun Shines on an Akk Dog’s Ass

As most of you know, I’ve really gotten into PvP. It’s been about a month since I took my first steps into this larger world.

Here are some screenshots that highlight my progress and performance. I have no idea how I’m doing or if these are even good results. All I know is my name is at the top and that has to be a good thing right?

Odessen Proving Grounds

This warzone makes no sense to me. I hate it. The map is confusing, and no matter which way I run, I always end up in the Cantina. When I see a teammate standing in a control point, I never know if I should join them or run around and find something else to do.

It took about a dozen matches before I was comfortable with the buffs. I used to avoid them like the Rakghoul Plague. When I did get one, I’d never know what to do with it and would run around aimlessly; the glowing beam on my head hovering like a digital dunce cap.

In this battle the stars aligned and I did two great things. I deactivated a control point, denying the enemy crucial points, and I sliced one of ours for double points. I’m not saying I single-handedly won the match, but I am forever referring to this as “my little maneuver at the Battle of Odessen.”

The Voidstar

Ah, the Voidstar, or as I like to call it, the Avoidstar. When I first started to PvP the Voidstar was almost as confusing as Odessen. There were matches where I had no idea if we were winning or losing. We’d get to the end of a match and I’d be like Talos Drellik after a firefight. “Are we dead yet? Oh my goodness, we won!”

The objectives were completely foreign to me and I would just run around trying to kill as many people as I could. Maximum carnage, that was the objective. Eventually, I learned the game. Attackers try to blow up a door. If you blow up a door, progress no further, and then stop the other team from blowing up a door, you win. It took many matches to realize that you didn’t actually need to get the data core to win.

My trial by error culminated into this gem of a match. I planted the bomb on not one, not two, but three doors. I also deactivated the force field in the final room because I’m a Merc and we can do anything.

Ancient Hypergate

The Gree are strange aliens with powerful technology and colorful language. See what I did there? They also have a war game with some important rules. One such rule is why die for your cause when you can let the other bastard die for theirs?

You would think that dying in any Warzone is bad. This is true, but dying in the Ancient Hypergate is worse than others. A lesson I learned the hard way.

If this game allowed macros, mine would have been me yelling, “Hold my beer!” before running headlong into a sea of red nameplates. That was my “MO” in the early days of playing the Ancient Hypergate.

It turns out that I like winning and that was most definitely not a winning strategy. On this day I had the perfect blend shuttling orbs to the pylon whilst handing out free rides to the med-center for my opponents.

Alderaan Civil War

After about six forays into this Warzone, I started taking bets on the over/under of the likelihood that the Galactic Empire would destroy this planet before I learned how to play this Warzone.

Snow, grass, and callout were just random words that people liked to shout during a match. Did you know that if you’re guarding a turret that it’s proper etiquette to notify your team via chat if an enemy is headed your way?

Instructions would be levied left and right, and as our starship was getting blown to bits, I’d hide behind columns in the middle, popping up like a prairie dog to do worthless pew-pew.

Those days are long gone, although on this particular day I had the good fortune to get a placed on a partial premade. I got to live the dream and just wreak havoc on everything that moved.

And then there are those times where I’d rather look good and lose than look bad and win.

I started PvP for the unassembled components. It was a means to an end, and I never dreamed that I’d actually like it. I have good days, bad days, and spectacular ones too.

If you’re like me and shunned PvP without giving it an honest look, I recommend that you queue up and have it. Seriously, If I can do this, you most certainly can.